This is a short story of the struggle I’m going through mentally from adderall withdraw after 3 weeks. I feel like I’m going crazy.
I took Adderall from age 15-18 y/o and got off, I’m 22 y/o now, and about 4 months ago I started “stressing” because I was not being as productive as I wanted to be, so I went to the doctor and got back on it.
Didn’t work out so well, I was super productive, but not on my actual job, my GED course, or the relationship with my fiance. I was spending all of my time locked up in my home office after work, on the computer, writing, building websites, doing graphic design, along with many other things, with ultimate goal of setting up a long term business for myself.
Fun Fact: The only reason this website was created is because I was on adderall. Unfortunately.
Within those months, I began telling myself that I was only doing all of this extra stuff because I was on adderall, and once I get off adderall, then everything I set up will fall to shit.
So I thought it would be best if I took myself off of the medication, and tried to create something without adderall, that way I can say that I created it, and not the adderall.
That wasn’t the only reason I wanted to get off adderall, It was giving me short term memory loss, speech problems, anxiety, and making my wake up super late for work because it depleted my dopamine and serotonin. (I believe)
Well, it’s been about 3 or 4 weeks since I last took it. Still have bad memory, still have heavy anxiety, only now I can’t bring myself to create anything like I want to so badly.
I’ve been obsessively learning every day and taking random certifications online on brain health, graphic design, holistic health, and nutrition, trying to trick myself into thinking that I’m being productive, I still feel crazy and have racing thoughts every second of “What the fuck am I doing with my life, I NEED TO CREATE SHIT AND BE SOMEBODY.”
I feel like shit everyday, and I’m not the hyper, joking, fun person I was 4 months ago before I got back on adderall, and It’s killing me, and fucking up my stable job that I’ve had for 4 years that my entire financial lifestyle is based around.
The thought of me living an ordinary life and not leaving a legacy stresses me out so bad to the point that I can’t bring myself up to create stuff to bring me to the level I want to be.
I feel like I went through this same mental struggle when I got off of adderall the first time when I was 18 y/o, but I can’t remember if it was this bad.
I can barely bring my self to post this article because I feel like it’s so badly written, because I’m not on adderall, and that, is why it is addictive for me.
Hopefully it passes.